Back again

Back Again

Just when I think
all is shiny red
and wrapped tight
with my best bow

there you are
again, whispering
at the foot of my
bed

asking for things
that dropped out
of my pockets
more years ago
than I can number

hunting for the
crumbs of me
at the bottom
of my favorite
dream and slumber

you come calling
me
back again
calling me
slack again

and I can't
say a thing
lies to night
of mourning
bring

me

back again

Okay, this post is going to show up on somebody's Bloglines and scare them silly. It's scaring me silly and I'm the one writing it. I have no idea why I'm here except that tonight I feel like a fake and a fraud and I wanted to just come and lay down in my nightgown. It's been two years since I've been over here and I wonder really just how much of me has washed away in that time. How much of all of us.

I don't know.
I don't care.
Not tonight. Tonight I am cold and weepy and hungry and mad and thankful and afraid. Tonight I have no photos, no videos, no outbound links. In fact, I hope nobody reads this post but me and God.

Wouldn't THAT be something cool? It really was cool, you know. I was just too stupid to know it. Well, I really don't have anything to say really. Dancing on tables for so long though is bound to make a girl dizzy, especially when she was pretty dizzy to start with.

Lord,
Help me. You see it all, don't You? Of course You do. Maybe You piled it all up there like that so I'll look somewhere else. If that's it, show me that too. Or not. Maybe I just need to sit here and look at You, even if nothing changes, even if this is my reasonable service. And so I will, sit here a while longer and just cry.

See there, it worked already. I'm smiling. I hope You are too.
amen